Chummaaa

Theres not a day that goes by with out you in my mind, Theres not a day that goes by with out me missing you by my side, Theres not a day that goes by with out me knowing how lucky i am, theres not a day that goes with out a smile on my face...Without you i wouldnt feel whole...without you i wouldnt feel love...without you my life would be incomplete...Chumma...... your the only one for me and i love you more today than yesterday but more tomorrow than today...My love will never stop growing for you..Your my world 

Thank you for coming in my dream

Fairoooo i am happy ....you know what i did not sleep all as i went somewhere .....missed you a lot ...walking on the beach ..talking to the waves about you till dawn ....came back slept ...and then im my dream you came and you were with me till i woke up ...you came sat at my bed woke me up and asked rafi what happened why are you sad ..............you made my day fairooo ...really you made it ..i have so much to talk to you so much to express ,.....i wish i have words to do so ...

will do that some day ....m not feeling well tonight ....i wanted to go out but not going ...because i will sleep ..with a hope that you ll come again and spend time with me

chummay waiting for you,.....listening to this song .... each word of it touches my heart as the express what i feel for you ...

I MISS YOU FAIROO

I miss the constant buzz of Skype messges on my tab that used to come from you every day , every night , and how it sometimes made the dreadful process of waking up that much more bearable. I miss how you made my mornings almost something I could wish for each night before I go to bed. I miss knowing you’d never let my tab sleep for long...

I miss the frequency of you — the daily texts, or a call sometimes. I miss knowing I could merely press a few buttons and hear from you seconds later. I miss the ease of it, the ease of finding you when I’m most in need.

I miss you ’til it hurts. I miss you when I run for hours in the rain, and the feeling still remains. I miss you when I’m talking to other people, and still a part of me is with you talking to you, wanting you in your absence. Because no one does, no one has known me the longest, no one understands like you. I miss how you just knew, how you would give me that reassuring look by just looking into my eyes..

The look that would come from your eyes, the look I’ve always wanted. Because your eyes brightened my souls no matter  how hurt it is , how dark it is ....

I miss you so much I’ve written you and  texts and messages, i have been talking to you in my thoughts that you can’t even see. I write to you paragraphs and paragraphs on skype and then deleted them with the fear that you may not like them and even if you read them you ll not reply .... I’m glad you are actually living in the present. I’m glad one of us is finally wandering beyond this world of imagination and past . 

But I can’t help but miss you each time I turn on my PC or tab and  I see your nickname starred as the first and only one on my favorites. I can’t help but miss you when I wake up to and pick the tab as always and look for your texts but cant find them  and my sadness when I see the picture of you on you messenger  I can’t help but miss you this much and I really really can’t wait to talk to you and hear from you just as old days ....... i wish this wish come true

HONEY ...FAIROOOO

Honey.................i never forgot you for a single moment .......i wanted you to hate me ...........yes i wanted that ........in those days of sickness i realized that i should be far away from the ppl whom i love or who love me ................i love you and i ll always love you ...........i didnt want to hurt you ...........

each time you msg or call .............i cry .........i cry .....i cry..........i wanted you to hate me .........but kia keroon tumahar ............honey mujh mai kia hai ............aisa .............i wanted k aap Us k sath khush raho........

shyd mai woh nai ker paya ...............khud ko saza daita raha hoon kaisay ............wo neechay daikh lo..........


mai maafi k qabil nai hoon .........aur tum say baat kernay k tou bilkul qabil nai ..................bus chupta phir ra hooon khud say ..............


kia keroon mujh mai himat nai hai honey ...................aik aik pal i misss you ..............Honey ............Hate Me ............kiun k mai isi qabil hoon ...... but mai door na reh saka aap say ............aur yahan aap say baat ker hi li coz i dont have the courage to face you.....

Missing you badly

had been looking at the screen for hours and still can think what to write. But i cant live without talking to you and today i know i cant talk to you even if i want. so talking to you here in my blog ...as after years i have opened it and here i am talking to you in that same old way ......when you are not around and i am talking to you in your absence.

you think that i was showing attitude ....no honey i was not i can not do that no matter what happens ....the truth is i can bear it when you dont talk to me i cant yes honestly i cant,,,,,,

oh look at me even here i am complaining .....but you know what i have no one else to complain to .....

my fairo it doesnt matter whether you talk to me or not ...it never did ..you are for from me for the last 9 years ....but your thoughts ...your feeling ..your love never got far from me even for a moment...i struggle ...i cry ...i get angry ,,,,i keep quite ....what ever i do you are with me ....

i dont know why but the love i have for you is increasing ...every morning i wake up and first thing i do is to see if you have sent any msg ..any missed call ....every night before i sleep i do the same ...i dont know whts happening to me .......

i miss you and i am missing you badly right now .....i wish i could talk to you and you could see the love and understand everything that i want to say just like old days .....i wish that when i say i love you ....you feel it ....like you did .... i wish you look at me and ask why you are sad ...what happened why you are quite ......but i dont know how ...how can i express .........

i want to screammmmmm cryyyyyy and tell you that you are the only one i love ......


i wish my wish come true some day even for some moments......

I am sorry ..........

Honey.................i never forgot you for a single moment .......i wanted you to hate me ...........yes i wanted that ........in those days of sickness i realized that i should be far away from the ppl whom i love or who love me ................i love you and i ll always love you ...........i didnt want to hurt you ...........

each time you msg or call .............i cry .........i cry .....i cry..........i wanted you to hate me .........but kia keroon tumahar ............honey mujh mai kia hai ............aisa .............i wanted k aap Us k sath khush raho........

shyd mai woh nai ker paya ...............khud ko saza daita raha hoon kaisay ............wo neechay daikh lo..........


mai maafi k qabil nai hoon .........aur tum say baat kernay k tou bilkul qabil nai ..................bus chupta phir ra hooon khud say ..............

kia keroon mujh mai himat nai hai honey ...................aik aik pal i misss you ..............Honey ............Hate Me ............kiun k mai isi qabil hoon ...... but mai door na reh saka aap say ............aur yahan aap say bat ker hi li coz i dont have the courage to face you.....

 you must know this,

that three words aren’t enough. I love you. I really do love you, but that is not all. In fact, it is just the beginning. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life giving you the same three words each day; at the end of each phone call, at the end of every night. No. It would be my personal hell to live behind such restricted bars. To offer you the same rose day after day. I want you to know that my purpose in life is love, and to love you. I spend my time inventing new ways to love you. I search my heart intently, thinking up ideas to find your heart. I want to speak to you, I want to communicate with you. I want shed all fear, jealously and logic we wear from day to day. I want to find you on the other side of humanity. A place I firmly believe in, a place free from war, a place free from the terror of non acceptance. I believe in this place, which I, why I now extend my hand and proclaim, I accept you for who you are. I want you to know that your heart has a second home. Think of the freedom of your soul, the way you know yourself, the way you don’t have to lie as you accept yourself for who you are.

I want to know you like that.

I am torn for waiting for you. Walking on the roads ,i close my eyes, watching you, waiting for you to look at me. I am here, desolate, across the room. Eager to pour my life into you, eager for you to know the most basic of things. Like a butterfly in the hands of a child; warm, gentle, full of infinite care. I am here, crying for the urgency of now, how I can’t find you across the room, to tell you how little time I have left, how I want to spend it inventing love in your honor. I am here, the blood of my pen, sketching the origins of love on napkins. Lost, meager, dry at the notion you’re not going home with me. I know no other way to find you, then through my words. I cannot express the unseen, I cannot forget the bridge between our two hearts. I am powerless when I look at you. Annihilated by the very energy you bring forth from me, I have but two hands to cup this entire ocean. And I feel that I failed you; I didn’t try hard enough, I didn’t sacrifice enough to make you see the blood of a lover. The river rushed over me, and I sat across the room, unable to speak. I am sorry, I am eternally sorry. My love for you is great, it is an ocean behind me. It is a body of many with a single thought and a single name. It’s crushing weight is nothing in the presence of you. Towering over you, it is harmless; though raging, though certain, though impending. It’s rejected and recessed as you turn your shoulder away from me. I don’t know what else to say, I don’t know how else to put it. All I know is that my heart is maze, a universe with its own laws, labels and mysteries. All I know is this infinitely complex entity begs to be understood by you. To connect with you, to find some deeper meaning then eight letters. I don’t want to use words, I don’t want to use my voice. They are too obscure, they are without emotion. I want to speak to you with my heart. I want you to stand inside my soul and saturate your body with pure energy. I want there to be no loss of emotion. Two pure souls speaking a language not understood by the mortal self. I believe in these things, I believe they are possible, I believe God is attainable. And I want to find God with you.